When my emotions are out of control...
Often in the shadows I sit, surrounded by piles and piles of emotions that hold my attention and overwhelm me. Often they arrive in a sandstorm of confusion, walling me in and leaving me full of fear.
They're dirty emotions. Many of them don't make any sense to me. And the more I try to bring order to the piles around me, the more of a mess it all becomes.
One addition to my piles of emotions came through a friend who didn't fulfill my expectations. The one before that came through a sibling who hurt me. Another whirlwind arrived in the form of broken dreams. And yet another came in the quiet of my bedroom, looking in the mirror at a failure -myself- a girl who could never be good enough; a girl who'd never measure up.
I look at them now, piles and piles surrounding me, tearing my hopes and dreams apart. And the more I look, the more they seem to dance around me in an unrecognizable mess, causing my world to become more and more chaotic.
Often I'm not sure what to do with them, so I try to ignore the fact they are there. But I can't. They chase me into corners. They make me forget the truth. They cause me to feel hopeless and forgotten.
But then, stepping through all my piles and piles of emotions is One who does not deserve to be there. His eyes are too pure to look on this horrible mess. I can't see Him, because my emotions block my view.
A whisper caresses my soul, "Jesus is here..."
I look at the piles around me, trying to see if one of them will prove to me He's there, but no, they continue in their confusing dance, ignoring the whisper I so clearly heard.
The whisper comes again: "Look up and see. He is there beside you."
I continue to look at my emotional mess, wondering if they will calm down to prove to me Jesus is there, but they don't. What I don't realize is that in letting them entertain me, I am giving them permission to do what they do best: distract me from the Truth.
He stands there, at my side, a Rock. Though the sandstorm comes and seems to wreck my life over and over, He's there, and I don't see Him. But the whisper continues..."Look away from those piles and look at Jesus. He's here!"
Finally, though my emotions are so clearly against it, I look up, and there He is. He offers me His hand.
I hesitate... Should I take it? What will He do?
Reading my mind, He speaks in my storm. "I will be your help. Trust Me. I will steady you as you walk along. I will give you My peace."
His eyes are full of compassion, yet He is so majestic, worthy to walk on holy ground... How could Someone so great, so powerful, so holy as He is want to help someone as messed up as I am?
But as I look at Him, His gentleness overwhelms me. He doesn't push me to make a decision. He just waits patiently in the middle of all my mess, offering to me more than just grace, more than just strength, more than peace... He offers to me Himself. His hand reaches out to me and He smiles a loving smile at me, understanding my hesitation, though I myself do not understand it.
Then He turns to the storm around me and speaks in a commanding tone. "Peace, be still!"
Suddenly the emotions stop dancing and fall neatly into little piles in the corner of the room, and miraculously, they seem to shrink smaller and smaller next to Him.
How is this possible? I have no control over them, but Jesus does. And when my eyes are on Him, He puts them in their place and restores peace to my world.
He Himself is my safe place where I dwell, and there, I am safe, though storms may come.
"My eyes are ever toward the Lord, for He shall pluck my feet out of the net." -Psalm 25:15
...Praise Jesus for His kindness that He would seek daily to rescue us from ourselves! Are you hiding in Him? Your emotions will come and go, but He will not. Choose to believe Him, the Truth, and not what you feel. Stand on that Rock, look up, and He will always be there, ready to pull you to your feet and command peace to your soul.
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- Damaris